You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize