If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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