so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
