Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
