He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize