my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize