Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
