Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
