he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
