I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
