i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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