You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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