Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No stitches, just platelets and will power
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
