so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
