You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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