I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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