My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
