True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
