I wish my penis had an off switch
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
