update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
