Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
