Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
