at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
