Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
