What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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