Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
