lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
