i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize