Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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