And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
