He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize