I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
