Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
