Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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