Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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