i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
