He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
