I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
