Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
