if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
