I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
