worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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