your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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