Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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