My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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