that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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