I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
