Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
