i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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