i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
