Me too!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
