he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
