life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you win again, gameday.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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