He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
