She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i will never coherently bang her
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
