guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
