using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
