got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
