Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
