well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
