Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
